The very last, way past due!

So, I don't even know how many people will read this, but I have been meaning to write my last blog entry for awhile, as a kind of closure to my experience, and in fact, i wrote my last entry about 2 days before i left, but i had no internet access to upload it in spain, and the computer i used there has since basically exploded on itself with viruses so i'm afraid i may never see another file on it....no biggie though. So i have decided to take the last few entries i wrote in my personal journal in the few days before i left sevilla...and also add some last thoughts.

May 13, 2009

I can happily say i am half done with my finals so things are looking up. I feel like i should be outside but i need to descansar for a bit (rest). I'm beat! It was totally reminiscent of madison finals. sick. anyway..let's do some updates. things have been winding down incredibly quickly here and no one seems prepared for the inevitable. they have us cranking out finals until the very last minute. last weekend was SUPER fun though. Me and Gillie went with our friends Lauren, Cass, and Erica to the beach house of some boys they have been friends with for awhile. (One is the host brother of Lauren/boyfriend of Erica and the other two are friends of his). it was cloudy the day we went to the beach but we stayed over night and made dinner and played 2+ hours of "Yo nunca nunca..." (aka "never have i ever") and after that we brought it back old school style and played spin the bottle haha. so much fun. afterwards i went swimming with one of the spanish boys at 5am in the ocean. scandalous! haha...he was so cute...i'm kind of glad/sad i didn't meet him sooner because i probably would have kind of dated him while i was here, and goodbyes would be even harder. Anyways, the next day was BEAUTIFUL and we got to spend a little more time on the beach before taking the bus home together...i think i'll be seeing him before i leave :)

in other news, i'm NOT ready to leave. over the past 4 months i have experienced so much, more than a lot of people could ever even hope for. i've learned about people, culture, language, but most of all, myself. i've made bonds with people and places that i will never forget in all my life. the reality still hasn't set in. just as it didn't set in until i was on the plane to spain, it won't set in this time until i'm long gone...

May 16th, 2009

Well, I have to say the words i've been dreading this whole time--it is my last day in spain. that broke my heart just to read that. it's really hard to describe how i feel right now. mostly i think you could say i'm devastated. each minute that gets closer to my departure, i get more and more depressed. it all hits me at random moments and when it hits, it's like a wall, and i'm hysterical. last night me and gillie went out with erica, cass, lauren, and the guys again for one last night out. it was probably one of the most fun nights i have ever, ever had. we botelloned for awhile and got a little tipsy before going into the COOLEST club i've ever seen called Babalonia. it was half outside, half inside....i can't even really explain it. and the music was awesome and we danced until we couldn't move. then i had to say goodbye to luis and samu and i just started crying so hard. i haven't even known them for very long at all but they have been so nice to us and we've had so much fun with them. "guapa, no llores, vale? no quiero que llores!" (beautiful, don't cry, i don't want you to cry!) so as i sobbed, alvaro (ma man), walked me home and tried to calm my horrific drunken sobs. When he dropped me off we vowed not to say goodbye until tomorrow, the very last minute possible, because i just couldn't even cry one more tear.

Today i have been out taking pictures of all the places i should have visited and photographed a looong time ago--ie the catedral and the plaza de espana....the most famous sites in sevilla haha. it was a day of a lot of introspection since i was all by myself just walking through the city. Tonight i was lucky enough to have dinner with gillie and her dad and sister as well as her host family for my last spanish meal at a beautiful restaurant. Afterwards, i went back to my apartment and finished some last minute packing before meeting up with alvaro one last time. We walked down by the river and talked until 4:30 in the morning...I had to leave my apartment at 4:45 to catch my plane haha. verrry last minute!! but some great last memories for sure.

i am nervous about going back. i just don't know how its going to be when i see my family and friends. i mean, i know i'll be so excited at first, but when the reality sets in that i'm thousands of miles away from where my heart is, its going to hurt. a lot. i just hope they can understand what i'm going through. i feel like a whole new person. i have new friends across the country, i have friends (and family) across the world...i am so lucky. there is not one thing i would take back from this incredible journey and it has made me into the person i am at this very moment, and will forever affect the person that i am becoming with each day that passes. sevilla will always have a piece of my heart and a piece of me. Until next time sevilla--hasta pronto y recuerdame para siempre... <3 <3


well, i know it doesn't have the same effect it might have had, oh, you know, like a month and a half ago when i should have written it, but i really hope that if you have followed my journey, that it gives you some type of closure. and i want all of you to know that even though i miss sevilla with every part of me, coming back home was an incredible relief in many ways. the people i love most are all around me, i am in my other favorite city in the world, and probably most importantly, my life no longer revolves around the exchange rate of the euro :) my life still revolves around spain tho--the day i got back i made gazpacho and drank rebujitos, i watch all my movies with spanish subtitles, i am still emailing, (and calling), all the spanish guys from the last few weeks (luis, alvaro, and samu), i have written to pepita and i am already making return plans with amber and gillie for after graduation. it will never leave my thoughts. and in sevilla's own motto "no me ha dejado" (it has not abandoned me).

i hope that if you have been taking hours out of your life to read this, that you have enjoyed it and somehow felt closer to me by reading it. until the next time (because there WILL be a next time..), i love you all, thanks for reading, y muchismos besos para todos!!!